"CANNONBALL!!!" screamed a robust, if drunk, voice, moments before a fuzzy wad of pink haired dwarf came hurtling out of the remnants of the stained glass window.

Deftly fielding the dwarf was Kalypso, though had she actually seen him coming, she may have chosen instead to dive out of the way.

Lithande helped Schlecht and Kalypso stand, which the dwarf only did with great difficulty. "Oh ah," he said, as he pointed down the street.

The group's collective attention strayed towards the end of the street, where several members of the city guard could be seen running up the street in a rather unfriendly manner. "Hmm..." observed Talen. "I think tonight would be a good night to sleep under the stars."

Avenging His Grief

Jemella was there as well, apparently visiting a playmate. She was run through with the rest of them. These bandits were ruthless, whoever they were. Azrak hadn't seen such brutality since the Berzerker Wars forty years ago. Those were certainly nasty times, he thought to himself.

After burying Jemella next to the rest of her family, Azrak mounted his desodraco, Savil. He considered taking something to remember this tragedy by. That's what I would have done in my younger days, he thought, taken something to swear vengeance on. No, I don't need any pennant to wave. I will never forget this.

Introducing the Select-O-Matic Research Term Paper

Waterson's character "Calvin" in his comic strip Calvin and Hobbes is symbolic of (A) Geronimo B) Shakespeare C) the migratory patterns of spotted owls) in that they are both (A) misunderstood artists B) great wise men of our time C) oppressed bourgeoisie). Calvin's relationship with Hobbes, in Waterson's comic strip Calvin and Hobbes, is a reflection of the tenuous yet nurturing relationships of (A) automobile manufacturers and petroleum producers B) the government and the taxpayer C) ladybugs and aphids). Perhaps even more enlightening is the interactions of Calvin and Hobbes with Susie in Waterson's comic strip, Calvin and Hobbes. Surely the artist (Waterson) must have realized he was drawing a satirical caricature of (A) Congress B) the Grateful Dead C) "Peanuts")!

Astrology

Clock strikes elves and reindeer thirst
Out in shoes from their hefty lace
Like aerators and doilies at a madam's place
His raisins tend to pray a day
Like lots of turds on the poor gins
Like slippery crates in pain
And now The Band becomes liverwurst
And most old Jews have gone Parkay

Green Eggs and Hamlet

To be, or not to be,
That is the question asked of me.
Do I fight for what is right?
Or close the book and say goodnight?
Should I die and end all pain?
Or is it something in my brain?

Hamlet, Somewhat Abridged

Ophelia: Have you seen Rosencrantz and Guildenstern? I was pretty sure they were supposed to be in this play by now.

[Hamlet fawns on Ophelia for the remainder of the scene.]

Hamlet: No, dear. They left a note saying that they were sick of the abuse and were off to start their own play. Something about being dead.

Ophelia: Speaking of being dead, would you like to go off and kill my father, Polonius, who is not in this version, and therefore must be killed before he appears anyway?

Hamlet: My pleasure, turtledove.

The Press Through the Birth and Death of the Confederate States of America

Although there was a certain degree of voluntary censorship among the Southern press, it was rarely enough to keep the Confederate Army happy. Unfortunately, to get the news the press had to deal with the Army even though the Army strongly did not want the press around. The battle over censorship was the most divisive point between the military and newspapers and was never resolved to anyone's satisfaction over the course of the war.

General Johnston completely refused to permit coverage of the siege of Yorktown in 1862 -- soldier correspondence was the primary source of information. Similar blockades of information were set up at the Battle of Seven Pines, and reporters were blocked entirely from the armies of A.P. Hill and Braxton Bragg, to name just a few examples of censorship.

Vindictive Reporting

By the second month of the controversy the stories became increasingly anti-Dinsmore and the editorializing was no longer confined to the opinion page. Since Jenny Dinsmore wanted to rid the city of bars by taking their licenses for violations, certain reporters at the Athenaeum began looking for a weak spot.

Don Groves, a news reporter, found it. With much glee the paper reported that Dinsmore was stocking liquor-filled chocolates without an ABCC permit. An exasperated ABCC office acknowledged that selling liquor-filled chocolates was, technically, a violation, and publicly requested that anyone selling them please stop.

Bolstered by their recent success, the Athenaeum dug deeper and found that the Dinsmores were embroiled in a property dispute and a lawsuit. The issue was over the classification of a rental property they were selling, and had nothing to do with alcohol whatsoever. Nevertheless the paper chose to run the story on the front page, along with a rather unflattering photo of Jenny Dinsmore.

Heat

"Hey you privates go find some shade! I'm not carrying your dumb asses back!" hollered a tall man in green with a Smokey the Bear hat.

"Sergeant yes sergeant!" the two privates called back in unison. They weren't disturbed by the drill sergeant's tone; the mere fact that he thought of them indicated that he must be in a pretty good mood. Perhaps the thought of fifty or sixty able-bodied privates wandering around lost in the woods amused him. Perhaps the 100-degree heat finally fried his scrawny brain. There was no way to tell.

Schreurs pulled himself off the ground with one crutch, then leaned over to grab the other. A good bit of the baked dirt went with him but it wasn't wise to dust off when a drill sergeant was in sight. Schreurs propped both crutches under one arm and offered his hand to his compatriot. Styles accepted the assistance and was quickly on his feet.

Noah Was Here

"Want some lunch?" I asked Josh.

"Okay," he said.

I pulled out -- what else? -- a coconut.

We looked at it.

"How do you open it?" Josh asked.

"With a hammer."

"Have a hammer?"

"Um, no. I forgot it." A bold admission.

We looked at it some more.

"What if I threw it off the tower?" I asked.

"Yeah!"

We called to Indar and warned him to watch for flying coconuts, then whoosh, it was gone, into the fog below.

Crack!!

"Hey Indar, did it break?"

A pause.

"Um, no. What are you guys doing, throwing coconuts at me?"

Dog Gone

Eventually, my turn came. The twodogs I now know as Josh and Amy came one day. They actually looked at the cats first, but predictably were underimpressed. They were about to leave when Amy saw us cubs and came over. They must have handled every cub in there, but eventually settled on me.

They took me to this den here, where at last I was finally Named, and grew under their tutelage. Once I reached the age of two years...

"...Josh introduced me to the dog next door and, well, in time there was your sire Ivan and all his littermates. Eventually there was you."

Vladimir and Dimitry looked at each other. Then they looked at me. Then they looked at their sire.

"That wasn't a very good story," said Vladimir.

"Yeah," echoed Dimitry.